Mommy Dearest

I think I've shared more than once on this blog that life with a newborn has been a challenge for me. I have struggled this time with the fussy days...and nights.

The other day was an especially tough day. Lexi is a spitter and spit up on me what seemed like non-stop all day. For her grand finale she projectile vomited down my shirt. On top of that she cried pretty much non-stop from 1pm until bedtime. That night she would not go to sleep in her bed. I usually rock her to calm her down into a peaceful sleep. Not this night. I just stuck her in the swing and left for the grocery store. I told Jeff I had been spit up on one too many times that day and I had to get out! My nerves were fried. I needed a break.

I got home, gave her one last bottle and rocked her to sleep. Finally...sleep. (And then she woke up at 1:00). But, as I put her to bed and went in to check on Lizette, I was reminded of how blessed I am to be their mother.

It's hard for me. I often feel like "Mommy Dearest". "NO MORE WIRE HANGERS!!!" I really feel like I could turn into that woman someday. It's because I have an expectation of perfection from both myself and my children. I want the best for them, which isn't such a bad thing. But I also want them to behave and be happy little angels all the time. Is that so hard?

At the same time, I want to be the perfect mom with everything that goes along with that in my view: having the calmest of temperaments at all times, disciplining perfectly every time so that they learn their lesson but won't have to go to therapy, being able to teach them all the things they will need to know so that they are at the top of their class when they enter school...hmmm, and a clean house, a cute wardrobe and hairdo, all pictures scrap booked in perfect cuteness, house decorated oh so cutely...and my list could go on for a mile.

I think I've missed the point somewhere along the line.

I don't think this stuff is all that important.

My girls need ME. They need me to play with them. They need me to tell them stories. They need to see me pray. They need to see me being nice to other people. I think they need me to stop worrying about how their lack of schedules are messing up mine and just go with the flow for goodness sake! The dishes will always get done. I can always shower tomorrow. It's okay if we have bad days.

Why is it so hard for me to take on this attitude?


Here are some pictures of my little sweethearts:





I love them so much. These moments will pass too quickly and I need to stop and take them in.